Living in Colour

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'I tried so hard and got so far

but in the end it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter'
In the End - Linkin Park

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Sometimes a downward spiral accelerates and becomes a slippery slope leading to a bottomless pit, a sort of oblivion. Feelings of sadness causing a disinterest in the majority of things you used to enjoy to do.

First things first, I'm not depressed. I'm not crazy. I'm not whining.

'People' don't seem to understand moods. Moods can change; up and down. The people who stay with you for both extremes and all in between are the people worth calling your friends.

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'I fear oblivion'
The Fault in Our Stars - John Green
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I've heard that life is long. I've heard that life is short. It can't be both, but recently I understand both. Life is mysterious and hard and confusing. You can spend your whole life trying your hardest and finally think you understand what's going on and it comes crashing down around you. I've seen this happen to people older and younger than me. Around me, life doesn't seem to be lived any more. People just do what they do because that's what they feel they need to do to get to the end of the day. This saddens me.

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'On the day they gave out super powers, I was in the garden smelling some flowers.
I guess I missed out, cos I was a little too late. Now I feel more or less like a zero,
cos everyone around me is a superhero.
But at least the flowers in yesterday's garden smell great'
Yesterday's garden - Ed Stockham

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Passion is the key. Find something you love doing and do it again. Hone your skills, perfect them. Watch someone do it better. Get upset. Get annoyed. Try again. And again. And again. Do it because you love the feeling it gives you, the fire it ignites deep inside your heart. Do it because if there was nothing else you had to do, you would do it all the time. Life is whatever you make it, so make it happy. There will be times where you'll be heartbroken; by someone else, by yourself. But that heartbreak, it's what helps you to strive to do better. It makes you want it more and in the end, it makes you a better person.

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'You could be happy, I hope you are'
You could be happy - Snow Patrol

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I've felt like giving up everything I've tried to achieve this past year. When it gets thrown back in your face, you don't know what to do. You aimless go through the motions and tell everyone that its okay. You know you'll be fine in the long run, but it still hurts now. Your confidence is shaken and you start to question practically everything.
Life becomes meaningless; those big philosophical questions hover in your mind, like they often do in those little unknown indie movies. What is life? What is the purpose of my being? et cetera, et cetera.

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You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present'
Looking for Alaska - John Green
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I was walking home today from my sister's house. The chill of the air nipping at my fingers and darkness setting in. My mind wandering at a thousand miles per hour when a particular song came on my ipod.

'I feel better and better and worse and then better
than ever, than ever, than ever'
I Feel Better - Frightened Rabbit

Listening to that song made me realise that all these questions I was asking myself, all these doubts I had about my intelligence, my passion and my ability to succeed in life, were pointless. Life is difficult to describe and harder to find a meaning for. At the end of the day, if you are happy and you've tried your hardest, then you've succeeded. We often forget that as we get wrapped up in the details we find imposed on us. Where are you going? What you doing with your life? How will you provide for yourself? All relevant questions, but we're still just teenagers. Our biggest worry shouldn't be these.

We should be happy and that's all that should matter.

Living in Colour - Frightened Rabbit