Hi guys,
I've literally been sitting here for about 45 minutes, starting to write on a subject, deleting everything, writing about something else, deleting it all again... rinse, repeat...
Frankly I don't know what to write about. I mean, I guess could say some stuff about the Olympics opening ceremonies but that felt like a cop-out. (My opinion: this was the first time I've watched opening ceremonies so I can't compare it to previous years, but it was pretty cool. I enjoyed the queen's entrance.)
Um. Yeah. I guess I can say this: I think I'm indecisive because I'm too afraid of what people will think if I really say what I want to say. Not that I was attempting to write anything offensive or radical or anything like that. But still. I can be terribly self-conscious sometimes.
By the way, Kim, I know exactly how you feel. And having never totally conquered all my fears or accomplished everything I've wanted to or learned everything I need to know about myself, I can't really give you advice. But I can sympathize.
DFTBA,
Emily
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Confused
Sometimes I don't know what to say. To say, to think, to feel. There's so much going on right now in my life and around me that I don't even know what to focus on. It's like I'm being pulled in so many directions all at once that I don't know what to do.
So I do nothing. I just try to shove everything to the side thinking "oh I'll deal with it later." But later never comes and the more I don't deal with things the more the things build up and the more stressed and worried and nervous and confused I get.
There's this image in my head of trying to run a race where there's hurdles all along the track. It's actually easier to jump over the hurdles like they're intended but I have a fear that if I jump I won't make it over. So each time I reach one I slow down and move the hurdle off the track and out of my way. But that slows me down so much, and really takes so much more effort. I need to learn to jump. Sure the first few times I might miss and bang my knee but eventually I'll get the hang of it and it'll be worth it in the long run.
Does any of that make sense? I'm sorry it's so confusing and there isn't any context, I'm just trying to get words down to help put my thoughts in order. But maybe you can relate to the feeling?
DFTBA,
-Kim
So I do nothing. I just try to shove everything to the side thinking "oh I'll deal with it later." But later never comes and the more I don't deal with things the more the things build up and the more stressed and worried and nervous and confused I get.
There's this image in my head of trying to run a race where there's hurdles all along the track. It's actually easier to jump over the hurdles like they're intended but I have a fear that if I jump I won't make it over. So each time I reach one I slow down and move the hurdle off the track and out of my way. But that slows me down so much, and really takes so much more effort. I need to learn to jump. Sure the first few times I might miss and bang my knee but eventually I'll get the hang of it and it'll be worth it in the long run.
Does any of that make sense? I'm sorry it's so confusing and there isn't any context, I'm just trying to get words down to help put my thoughts in order. But maybe you can relate to the feeling?
DFTBA,
-Kim
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Life is Precious
Hey guys,
The universe is weird. It doesn't all make sense and it probably never will-- not scientifically, not philosophically. There are some good things and some bad things.
Among the good things: I went to my first ever nerdfighter gathering today. Apparently there's a group of nerdfighters in Denver who have been meeting on a monthly basis for the past year. That made me kind of a latecomer, but they were as welcoming as you'd expect nerdfighters to be. We walked around downtown, played frisbee in the park, ate overpriced hamburgers on 16th street, and walked around a bookstore immaturely adding "in your pants" to the end of book titles and laughing loudly. There were maybe maybe 12-15 of us in all, although not everyone was there the whole time
It was the first time I've spent time in a large group of people (approximately) my age all summer, and it felt good. Sometimes when you watch YouTube videos you forget that even though you're alone in your room, you're sharing that experience with hundreds, thousands, even millions of other people. And it good to realize that those other people aren't just usernames and digits in a play count, they are flesh-and-blood people.
Now, forgive me, but I want to talk a little about some bad things too.
I live about 30 minutes away from the Aurora movie theater where the now-infamous shooting took place. I know it's been horrific news for the entire country (and the world), but I think that those of us who live in the surrounding community have been the most shaken. Many of us either knew victims personally or know their friends or family.
Life is precious, guys. Like, I know people say that phrase so often that it can lose its meaning, but there are times when you realize it's true. Life is precious.
(By the way, I will not join the gun control debate at this point. It's impossible to foresee tragedies like this, and I think the victims deserve our respect right now, not bickering.)
I don't want to talk too much about this but I did want to share this with you quickly. This is a page to help support one of the victims, a girl whose family has been friends with mine for several years. Please check it out and help if you can.
http://igg.me/p/177903?a=905831
Thanks and DFTBA,
Emily
The universe is weird. It doesn't all make sense and it probably never will-- not scientifically, not philosophically. There are some good things and some bad things.
Among the good things: I went to my first ever nerdfighter gathering today. Apparently there's a group of nerdfighters in Denver who have been meeting on a monthly basis for the past year. That made me kind of a latecomer, but they were as welcoming as you'd expect nerdfighters to be. We walked around downtown, played frisbee in the park, ate overpriced hamburgers on 16th street, and walked around a bookstore immaturely adding "in your pants" to the end of book titles and laughing loudly. There were maybe maybe 12-15 of us in all, although not everyone was there the whole time
It was the first time I've spent time in a large group of people (approximately) my age all summer, and it felt good. Sometimes when you watch YouTube videos you forget that even though you're alone in your room, you're sharing that experience with hundreds, thousands, even millions of other people. And it good to realize that those other people aren't just usernames and digits in a play count, they are flesh-and-blood people.
Now, forgive me, but I want to talk a little about some bad things too.
I live about 30 minutes away from the Aurora movie theater where the now-infamous shooting took place. I know it's been horrific news for the entire country (and the world), but I think that those of us who live in the surrounding community have been the most shaken. Many of us either knew victims personally or know their friends or family.
Life is precious, guys. Like, I know people say that phrase so often that it can lose its meaning, but there are times when you realize it's true. Life is precious.
(By the way, I will not join the gun control debate at this point. It's impossible to foresee tragedies like this, and I think the victims deserve our respect right now, not bickering.)
I don't want to talk too much about this but I did want to share this with you quickly. This is a page to help support one of the victims, a girl whose family has been friends with mine for several years. Please check it out and help if you can.
http://igg.me/p/177903?a=905831
Thanks and DFTBA,
Emily
Sunday, July 15, 2012
More blood!!!!
Hey all, sorry this post is a little late.
Caitlin, in answer to your question, I've really been neglecting the whole decreasing worldsuck aspect of nerdfighting lately. I'm going to tell you a little story that doesn't really have a happy ending.
The other day I accompanied my brother and his girlfriend to a blood donation center. The two of them were going to donate blood, and I was the "designated driver" (as apparently you're not really supposed to drive afterwards). We got there and it was a somewhat dingy room nestled in the 3rd floor of an office building.
There were several of those reclining hospital beds along the back wall, and as we walked in one of them was occupied. A middle-aged man lay there, disinterestedly watching the nearest TV. The tube coiled out from his arm and up to the little collection bag.
It was really red. Like, I don't know if you know this, but blood is really red.
And honestly? It kind of scared me. I'd been thinking recently that I'd like to donate blood, and even though I hadn't planned to on this particular day, it was good to see what it was like. At least, that was what I was thinking before I walked in. The second I saw the solid red tube taped to that guy's arm the words donating blood is freaking scary I don't think I ever want that to happen to me went through my mind.
We ended up having to leave because the lady didn't buy our story that I was my brother's legal guardian, so I didn't get to witness the whole process. My brother and his girlfriend went back a few days later but I didn't go with them; the idea still kind of freaks me out.
So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes doing what it takes to decrease worldsuck can be scary. And when you're someone like me, getting over those fears is hard. I want to promise you that I'm going to face those fears and donate blood by the end of this summer, but I honestly don't know if I could keep that promise.
Sorry, this is a bit depressing. I don't mean to be a downer. Maybe I just need some motivation....
DFTBA,
Emily
Caitlin, in answer to your question, I've really been neglecting the whole decreasing worldsuck aspect of nerdfighting lately. I'm going to tell you a little story that doesn't really have a happy ending.
The other day I accompanied my brother and his girlfriend to a blood donation center. The two of them were going to donate blood, and I was the "designated driver" (as apparently you're not really supposed to drive afterwards). We got there and it was a somewhat dingy room nestled in the 3rd floor of an office building.
There were several of those reclining hospital beds along the back wall, and as we walked in one of them was occupied. A middle-aged man lay there, disinterestedly watching the nearest TV. The tube coiled out from his arm and up to the little collection bag.
It was really red. Like, I don't know if you know this, but blood is really red.
And honestly? It kind of scared me. I'd been thinking recently that I'd like to donate blood, and even though I hadn't planned to on this particular day, it was good to see what it was like. At least, that was what I was thinking before I walked in. The second I saw the solid red tube taped to that guy's arm the words donating blood is freaking scary I don't think I ever want that to happen to me went through my mind.
We ended up having to leave because the lady didn't buy our story that I was my brother's legal guardian, so I didn't get to witness the whole process. My brother and his girlfriend went back a few days later but I didn't go with them; the idea still kind of freaks me out.
So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes doing what it takes to decrease worldsuck can be scary. And when you're someone like me, getting over those fears is hard. I want to promise you that I'm going to face those fears and donate blood by the end of this summer, but I honestly don't know if I could keep that promise.
Sorry, this is a bit depressing. I don't mean to be a downer. Maybe I just need some motivation....
DFTBA,
Emily
Thursday, July 12, 2012
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night...
It’s almost 4am and I can’t sleep because a storm of doom is
thundering overhead. There’s near constant lightning and thunder, so much hail
it looks like it’s snowed, and the water is pouring down like I’ve never seen.
To top it off the power’s out. (I’m on my laptop, which has a battery but the
wifi’s out so I’m on Word and this’ll be posted to the blog later.)
It’s funny the things that I’m noticing though. How when the
power goes out we kind of shut down, but at the same time we don’t. How even
without the computer I’m still on Facebook through my phone and seeing all the
status updates of those awake during the storm too. How I go to get a battery operated light, but
upon noticing the battery is dead I still go to plus it in before realizing
that won’t work.
There’s a weird clash of emotions too. Right now, sitting in
my bed with the light of my laptop and a light-up Sorcerer Mickey Vinylmation
I’m content. It’s almost peaceful just listening to the rumbling and the rain
in a little cocoon of soft light and blankets. Yet the second I climb out of my
bed everything is suddenly a lot more terrifying. It takes me back to when I
was a child and the only safe place at night was curled up in my bed, stick so
much as a toe out and something might get you.
I’m a very young adult but I’m definitely not a small child
anymore, so I wonder if the fear hasn’t gone away by now will it ever? On the
flip side though there will always be the safety of my bed.
DFTBA,
-Kim
P.S. It's evening now and clouding over again but most of the day was nice. The hail did quite a number on our yard though, the flowers are all pretty crushed and there's leaves and pine needles from the trees all over the place :S
Donating blood and good things.
Hey all.
As you may be able to tell by the title of this post I donated blood today.
It started off with a series of questions in a private interview where we went through a list of countries where I may have gotten malaria from, malaria which I don't have but needed to go through as a safety precaution... Tip: If you want to donate blood in South Australia, not having had lived in South America for 6 months or longer really helps.
Then we tested to see if my blood had enough iron, and it did, and then I got a needle stuck into me for maybe about 45 minutes. IT WAS SUCKING MY BLOOD. AH, I DON'T LIKE NEEDLES.
But I survived. Got through. Donated blood. Got free food and drinks and then went home with an aching arm.
I have a point here, I'm not complaining about donating blood, I promise. Anyways, even though I get freaked out by blood being taken out of me and possibly given to another person, I know it's a good thing to do. And I've done it so I can go through live by saying that I have donated blood, etc etc.
Thinking about it, life seems to be compiled of good things and bad things, doing good acts and doing bad acts. As Nerdfighters, we seem to be (or at least I think) people who fill our lives with good things and good acts that decrease world suck. Donating blood is one way to do this, not the way I prefer, but a way.
The way I prefer is through charities, organizations, etc... Things that help decrease the suck in our world that is poverty and world hunger. One of my passions in life is helping the fight against poverty and world hunger, and I fuel this passion by participating in doing fundraising things. Earlier this year I ran Live Below The Line within my school for the year 11s and 12s. I alone raised more than $300 and the school raised around or more $2000. In a month or so I'll be participating in the 40 Hour Famine for the 3rd time. (My profile is here if you want to check it out, I really encourage you guys to do it.) And in November, as I mentioned in my previous post, I'll be heading out to Vietnam with my school for 15 days to do some world suck decreasing as I like to put it...
And so, because I suck at ending things, I leave you with a question.
What's your way of decreasing world suck? Mine's through the things mentioned before, so what's yours?
Maybe we can do something together.
DFTBA, Caitlin xo
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Confessions of a classical music nerd
Hey all,
There's been a lot on my mind recently. Has it ever happened to you that you've suddenly found yourself believing something you once told yourself you would never believe? That's what happened to me. (Sorry if this is uninteresting but it's what's been on my mind recently so I want to write about it.)
Some background: through high school, I always despised the musical philosophies of the 20th century. That is, the sort of attitude that says only the educated elite can understand music. Composers wrote stuff that sounded like garbage (or like nothing at all) and everyone was expected to appreciate it or risk looking unsophisticated. Basically, it just alienated audiences and made the classical music scene unapproachable and, frankly, unappealing.
Over the course of the spring semester, I'd been sort of formulating a philosophy of composing. My private teacher is sort of a 20th century kind of guy, and in a lot of ways, he has helped me appreciate the good that came out of that era of music. In fact, as the semester went on, I gradually found myself accepting that I was (like the other music students) learning to appreciate music on a higher level than the average person. In a sense, I suppose this is true; at least from a theoretical perspective I'm becoming more and more knowledgeable the more I study.
It wasn't until I got back here for the summer and started talking to the musicians I looked up to in high school that I realized how much of a snob I was turning into. It's actually quite depressing. Honestly, I realized I'd started claiming to like lots of music that in high school I would have found obnoxiously pretentious. Did I actually like it? Not really. I "appreciated" it. I knew that it was technically "good" music, and if I wanted to be a good music student I needed to listen to it.
As for where I am now, I've learned a lot but I'm struggling to find a balance between my creations needing to be beautiful and needing to be intellectual (if that makes sense). There are certain ideas that I'm glad my teacher has imparted to me. But there are others I wish I didn't feel obligated to accept simply because I'm his student.
The moral of the story? I'm a classical music nerd and I'm not ashamed of it. But there's a difference between enthusiasm born of love and enthusiasm born of a need to look or feel intelligent. I think that those of us who call ourselves nerds can sometimes lose sight of the line between the two. Let's not not abandon the things we believe in just because we want to look smarter in the eyes of our friends or teachers. Okay? Okay.
Alright, that's all I have to say. I hope I managed to make some sense in this post-- I guess it's really directed to myself but maybe you got something out of it. Hope to see lots of posts this next week! :) And we really need to plan our life in a day project soon.
DFTBA,
Emily
There's been a lot on my mind recently. Has it ever happened to you that you've suddenly found yourself believing something you once told yourself you would never believe? That's what happened to me. (Sorry if this is uninteresting but it's what's been on my mind recently so I want to write about it.)
Some background: through high school, I always despised the musical philosophies of the 20th century. That is, the sort of attitude that says only the educated elite can understand music. Composers wrote stuff that sounded like garbage (or like nothing at all) and everyone was expected to appreciate it or risk looking unsophisticated. Basically, it just alienated audiences and made the classical music scene unapproachable and, frankly, unappealing.
Over the course of the spring semester, I'd been sort of formulating a philosophy of composing. My private teacher is sort of a 20th century kind of guy, and in a lot of ways, he has helped me appreciate the good that came out of that era of music. In fact, as the semester went on, I gradually found myself accepting that I was (like the other music students) learning to appreciate music on a higher level than the average person. In a sense, I suppose this is true; at least from a theoretical perspective I'm becoming more and more knowledgeable the more I study.
It wasn't until I got back here for the summer and started talking to the musicians I looked up to in high school that I realized how much of a snob I was turning into. It's actually quite depressing. Honestly, I realized I'd started claiming to like lots of music that in high school I would have found obnoxiously pretentious. Did I actually like it? Not really. I "appreciated" it. I knew that it was technically "good" music, and if I wanted to be a good music student I needed to listen to it.
As for where I am now, I've learned a lot but I'm struggling to find a balance between my creations needing to be beautiful and needing to be intellectual (if that makes sense). There are certain ideas that I'm glad my teacher has imparted to me. But there are others I wish I didn't feel obligated to accept simply because I'm his student.
The moral of the story? I'm a classical music nerd and I'm not ashamed of it. But there's a difference between enthusiasm born of love and enthusiasm born of a need to look or feel intelligent. I think that those of us who call ourselves nerds can sometimes lose sight of the line between the two. Let's not not abandon the things we believe in just because we want to look smarter in the eyes of our friends or teachers. Okay? Okay.
Alright, that's all I have to say. I hope I managed to make some sense in this post-- I guess it's really directed to myself but maybe you got something out of it. Hope to see lots of posts this next week! :) And we really need to plan our life in a day project soon.
DFTBA,
Emily
Friday, July 6, 2012
Summer Movies
I've been going to a bunch of movies lately so I thought I'd talk a bit about the ones out right now that I've seen. With that said, here we go!
Brave
I've seen it twice already and really enjoyed it! It's Pixar's first time doing a fairy tale, their first time with a princess, and their first time with a female lead, but I think they pulled it off rather nicely. The plot isn't anything too extravagant, it's more just a fun, heartwarming, family film. The animation and visual aspects are beautiful! And there's lots of humour and adorableness in it! <3 <3 <3 <3
People Like Us
It was alright, a touching story based on true events sort of thing. I enjoyed it but it's not one I'd want to watch over and over. <3 <3
Snow White and the Huntsman
Another one I've seen twice, I kind of love it. It's so well done, and visually captivating. A lot of the creative team is the same as the live action Alice in Wonderland so it has a similar look and feel, just minus the Tim Burton. I was a little worried about it having Kristen Stewart but I actually didn't hate her in it. I'm not saying I liked her, but I didn't hate her as much as I normally do. And CHRIS HEMSWORTH AND SAM CLAFLIN. That is all. <3 <3 <3 <3 <
Dark Shadows
I'm not too sure what to say. It has the Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter trio but was even a bit strange for them. Vampires and magic and the '80s were an interesting combination but a strange one. For the most part I did enjoy it though, and even if I'm not too sure what to make of it I'm glad I saw it. <3 <3 <3
The Avengers
Yeah it's been out for a while but it's still in theatres and all I have to say is GO SEE IT! NOW! DROP EVERYTHING AND RUN TO THE THEATRE!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
What movies has everyone else been seeing and what are your thoughts on them?
DFTBA,
-Kim
Brave
I've seen it twice already and really enjoyed it! It's Pixar's first time doing a fairy tale, their first time with a princess, and their first time with a female lead, but I think they pulled it off rather nicely. The plot isn't anything too extravagant, it's more just a fun, heartwarming, family film. The animation and visual aspects are beautiful! And there's lots of humour and adorableness in it! <3 <3 <3 <3
People Like Us
It was alright, a touching story based on true events sort of thing. I enjoyed it but it's not one I'd want to watch over and over. <3 <3
Snow White and the Huntsman
Another one I've seen twice, I kind of love it. It's so well done, and visually captivating. A lot of the creative team is the same as the live action Alice in Wonderland so it has a similar look and feel, just minus the Tim Burton. I was a little worried about it having Kristen Stewart but I actually didn't hate her in it. I'm not saying I liked her, but I didn't hate her as much as I normally do. And CHRIS HEMSWORTH AND SAM CLAFLIN. That is all. <3 <3 <3 <3 <
Dark Shadows
I'm not too sure what to say. It has the Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter trio but was even a bit strange for them. Vampires and magic and the '80s were an interesting combination but a strange one. For the most part I did enjoy it though, and even if I'm not too sure what to make of it I'm glad I saw it. <3 <3 <3
The Avengers
Yeah it's been out for a while but it's still in theatres and all I have to say is GO SEE IT! NOW! DROP EVERYTHING AND RUN TO THE THEATRE!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
What movies has everyone else been seeing and what are your thoughts on them?
DFTBA,
-Kim
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Hiatus.
So hey there. It's been a while. How are you? Good I hope. What's been going on in your life?
Me you ask? Oh, I've been fine. Hurting over VidCon... Organizing gatherings. The norm. I'm going to Vietnam in November for 2 months on a Pilgrimage so that should be good.
Queen's playing in the background so I'm slowing waking up!
It's about 7:30am, I woke up 5 minutes ago, and I have a fulled packed day planned.
I've decided that, like a TV show, I've been in hiatus for half a year. But I'm back on now.
DFTBA~
Caitlin xo
Me you ask? Oh, I've been fine. Hurting over VidCon... Organizing gatherings. The norm. I'm going to Vietnam in November for 2 months on a Pilgrimage so that should be good.
Queen's playing in the background so I'm slowing waking up!
It's about 7:30am, I woke up 5 minutes ago, and I have a fulled packed day planned.
I've decided that, like a TV show, I've been in hiatus for half a year. But I'm back on now.
DFTBA~
Caitlin xo
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